וכשרוחות קרות יסערו בחוץ אשלח בך אש חמה

I...

• am Franc.
• bleed caffeine.
• can't drink Kahlúa.
• dig rock, punk, and country music.
• enjoy coffee, games, movies, and gyms.
• feel better after a run.
• greet people with a "Howdy".
• harbor a strong aversion to femmes.
• identify with straight men.
• jam out on expert guitar on Rock Band.

You should hit me up if you...

• know what an acrostic is.
• live for the future.
• mix baileys and butterscotch.
• need a gym buddy.
• only use caps WHEN NECESSARY.
• play piano, bassoon, or violin.
• quit typing LiKe tHiS years ago.
• read Joanne Bertin's Dragon and Phoenix.
• sleep on the right side of the bed.
• treat people respectfully.

Please do not talk to me if you...

• upstage everyone at every social gathering.
• vie for the title of Biggest Douche in the Universe.Unless you're Sister Maria-Ho.Then it's okay.
• walk like a girl or like you have a stick up your ass.
• xed the box next to "Drama Queen" or "Drag Queen" when you applied for your gay card.
• yell obscenities at anyone who commits the smallest infractions.
• zip across the mall at the first sign of a new fashion trend.